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LOL!

Non Habeo Speculum? Or, Don't You have a Mirror?
The Commandments of Garb
By Lady Ailleagan and Lord Dugal

Normally, we are some of the last people to criticize a person's attempt at garb. We think it varies
widely for reasons as different as a person's devotion to a hobby (which the SCA is), their pocketbook,
and their sense of humor.
This being said, there are a few things which will make lots people snicker behind your back, if not flatout
laugh out loud. We won't criticize, but we will giggle furiously.

1.)Thou shalt not wear shiny spandex, acetate, bridal satin, or Naugahyde.
2.) Thou shalt not wear electric or neon colors. Unless, of course, there is a theme'd event that
encourages such outlandishness-eth. (sp?) Or thou art Landesknecht.
3.) Thou shalt not recreate the Middle Ages of another planet or dimension. Likewise, thou shalt not
wear thy Bluetooth at events, for thou art not Borg.
4.) Thou shalt not wear modern swimwear or underwear on the outside and call it Middle Eastern garb.
5.) Thou shalt not use ric rac as trim.
6.) Thou shalt not combine time periods in excess; that is, thou shalt not wear a leather bikini with an
Elizabethan ruff or a Tudor hat.
7.) Thou shalt not wear pointed ears, fangs, fairy wings, or cat's eye contact lenses.
8.) Thou shalt not recycle that bridesmaid's gown into garb just because it happens to haveth a train.
9.) Thou shalt not openly question or criticize someone else's authenticity when thou art wearing
something blatantly non-period.
10.) Thou shalt not wear a chain mail codpiece, just a chain mail codpiece, even if thou art
Landesknecht.
11.) Thou shalt not tuck thy T-tunic into thy tights.
12.) Thou shalt not have a Norse/Samurai persona.
13.) Thou shalt not store food in the garb thou art wearing, then offer it to others. (Please don't ask,
just trust me. . .)
14.) Thou shalt not carry a seven-foot sword on thy hip.
15.) Thou shalt not fold, spindle, or mutilate thy breasts in any way to fitteth them into thy bodice.
16.) Thou shalt not attempt intimidation by wearing black trewes, a black puffy shirt, a black leather
jerkin, black gloves, black boots, and a black hood in August in Meridies. You don't looketh scary, you
just looketh sweaty.
17.) Thou shalt not carry thy car keys, cell phone, Blackberry, and pager on thy belt. Buyeth a pouch or
a basket, for Odin's sake!
18.) Just because thou canst, means not that thou shouldst. Unless, of course, thou art Landesknecht.

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