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baggage and trash: a ramble.
May. 9th, 2016 07:06 pmI'm about as messy a person as you'd want to meet, and my husband is a hoarder. To be honest, B isn't so much about acquiring NEW things (I do much more of that), he just doesnt get rid of anything he has or what does accumulate. Oh hell, maybe I'm a hoarder too, but I want to change. He won't even acknowledge there is a problem. I hate living in our house. Don't worry, you won't be invited over.
Twice last week, B made comments that floored me. Talking to a friend, he acknowledged that our house is "cluttered" but then he added "and I think Heather really likes it that way." Then when I was getting ready to leave for a long weekend with my daughter and family, he said, "I want you to have a good time while you're gone." to which I took a big breath and said "even if part of the reason I'm going is to spend time sitting in a living room cleaner than ours." (I had told him that before, but didn't know if it registered.) His reply was "Oh, i don't think that is on the radar at all; that's all in your head."
He doesn't have a clue how stressed out the house makes me.
It is probably the biggest stressor in my life right now. I don't feel relaxed when I go home from work in the evenings, I feel hemmed in and suffocated.
But maybe that's because all he sees is me being as messy as he is. CLICK.
Maybe if he sees me actually cleaning up MY clutter it would eventually get throught to him. I can't change him, only myself. Sure he enables my messy inclinations; sure I "like" NOT doing housework, I need to own my own issues and actively work on them. The mess is the elephant in EVERY room. I'm going to have to "eat" it in very small bites, otherwise it becomes overwhelming.
So, this morning, I arranged my multiple pairs of shoes. And I bagged up some extaneous trash in the living room. two small chores, but something done. And I felt some sense of satisfaction at a task done--instead of guilt at so much undone and unclean.
I've been whining to my therapist about this for months now. She's beginning to ask me tough questions--lik what am I getting out of the relationship, and can I see myself living this way in another 5 years or 10 years. I can't believe I've lived in the house for almost four years now as it is. I don't want to leave my husband, so I've got to find some way to make a difference. My trying to "live with it" and "igonore it" doesn't really work.
Giving myself a set of three small tasks. (this time: 1)organize shoes. 2)clean under the coffee table 3)straighten the top of the coffee table.) Do them, then make three more, and so on.
One other thing. I lost my engagment ring sometime this weekend. :( B consoled me by saying "It's only a thing". Given above context, that didn't cheer me much.
Twice last week, B made comments that floored me. Talking to a friend, he acknowledged that our house is "cluttered" but then he added "and I think Heather really likes it that way." Then when I was getting ready to leave for a long weekend with my daughter and family, he said, "I want you to have a good time while you're gone." to which I took a big breath and said "even if part of the reason I'm going is to spend time sitting in a living room cleaner than ours." (I had told him that before, but didn't know if it registered.) His reply was "Oh, i don't think that is on the radar at all; that's all in your head."
He doesn't have a clue how stressed out the house makes me.
It is probably the biggest stressor in my life right now. I don't feel relaxed when I go home from work in the evenings, I feel hemmed in and suffocated.
But maybe that's because all he sees is me being as messy as he is. CLICK.
Maybe if he sees me actually cleaning up MY clutter it would eventually get throught to him. I can't change him, only myself. Sure he enables my messy inclinations; sure I "like" NOT doing housework, I need to own my own issues and actively work on them. The mess is the elephant in EVERY room. I'm going to have to "eat" it in very small bites, otherwise it becomes overwhelming.
So, this morning, I arranged my multiple pairs of shoes. And I bagged up some extaneous trash in the living room. two small chores, but something done. And I felt some sense of satisfaction at a task done--instead of guilt at so much undone and unclean.
I've been whining to my therapist about this for months now. She's beginning to ask me tough questions--lik what am I getting out of the relationship, and can I see myself living this way in another 5 years or 10 years. I can't believe I've lived in the house for almost four years now as it is. I don't want to leave my husband, so I've got to find some way to make a difference. My trying to "live with it" and "igonore it" doesn't really work.
Giving myself a set of three small tasks. (this time: 1)organize shoes. 2)clean under the coffee table 3)straighten the top of the coffee table.) Do them, then make three more, and so on.
One other thing. I lost my engagment ring sometime this weekend. :( B consoled me by saying "It's only a thing". Given above context, that didn't cheer me much.
