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A few weeks ago, H & J, friends who were getting new living room furniture, offered Barry and I their old couch and loveseat. Kind of a nodescript floral design annd colour, but good quality items, comfortable and in great shape. Barry borrowed Myrna's van to haul the furniture to his house, and he cleaned up his living room enough to put it there.
He's hauled out the ratty couch from the TV room, replaced it with two chairs, and has found most (well, significantly more anyway) of the floor in that room.
He recently bought me a coffee maker for his kitchen.
He's been pruning the trees in the yard.
He says he got "comfortably numb" living alone "like a bear in a cave with some furniture" for so many years, and felt he had no reason to see to the upkeep of the house. I've described him as a hoarder*, but as the above shows, he is making an effort so we can live together. He says I've changed his mind about a lot of things in life.
*And he is. Stuff isn't quite piled to the ceilings, and B. has been making inroads, but in some parts, it's still just paths between stacks of clutter and debris. No rotting garbage, but lots of paper trash and clothing in heaps. Lots of cool stuff (like a fairly large collection of historical photography, some antique swords, books, etc), but not displayed or even in any order. As I mentioned, no hot water.
fyi/tmi: once we got to the sex & sleeping together part of dating, we had motel overnights the first couple of times; then B. cleaned up one of the bedrooms (to a cluttered but reasonably acceptable) level before he let me even see his house and start staying over. LOL..he dosn't stay over in my Decatur apartment because overnight guests are not allowed by my landlady.
I feel a little bit guilty about dragging my feet, but I'm not yet ready to move in with him, that's probably still a few months away at the earliest. Well, B's house isn't ready yet either.
Thinking about just what my home environment requirements are:
1)I need the kitchen clean to be able to cook.
2)I need hot water and a usable tub or shower in (one or both of) the bathrooms.
3)I need places (closets, cabinets, etc) to be able to store my stuff, in such a manner that I can get to it as needed.
4)I need the living room clean; so I feel there is some habitable social area.
(fyi: that still leaves the tv room, the den, and two other bedrooms-besides the one we share-which are also messy but could be worked on gradually.)
Things that would be positive about living together:
1) I *like* being with B. As far as our relationship goes, we are a committed-to-each-other couple.
2)I'm over there about half the time anyway.
3)Not paying rent (B. owns his house) would be good.
4)Living back in Huntsville would be good for somethings--a.getting to the gym more often. b. seeing Huntsville friends more easily.
Negatives:
1)Would be a drag to again have to commute to work from Huntsville to Decatur.
2)I do like my current apartment, and sometimes I enjoy haivng my independant space.
3)I'm worried B. will go back to hoarding behaviors and being problematically messy, and further that I'll slide into it myself. It's kind of the "pot calling the kettle black", as I'll admit to being a slob myself rather than a neat freak.
He's hauled out the ratty couch from the TV room, replaced it with two chairs, and has found most (well, significantly more anyway) of the floor in that room.
He recently bought me a coffee maker for his kitchen.
He's been pruning the trees in the yard.
He says he got "comfortably numb" living alone "like a bear in a cave with some furniture" for so many years, and felt he had no reason to see to the upkeep of the house. I've described him as a hoarder*, but as the above shows, he is making an effort so we can live together. He says I've changed his mind about a lot of things in life.
*And he is. Stuff isn't quite piled to the ceilings, and B. has been making inroads, but in some parts, it's still just paths between stacks of clutter and debris. No rotting garbage, but lots of paper trash and clothing in heaps. Lots of cool stuff (like a fairly large collection of historical photography, some antique swords, books, etc), but not displayed or even in any order. As I mentioned, no hot water.
fyi/tmi: once we got to the sex & sleeping together part of dating, we had motel overnights the first couple of times; then B. cleaned up one of the bedrooms (to a cluttered but reasonably acceptable) level before he let me even see his house and start staying over. LOL..he dosn't stay over in my Decatur apartment because overnight guests are not allowed by my landlady.
I feel a little bit guilty about dragging my feet, but I'm not yet ready to move in with him, that's probably still a few months away at the earliest. Well, B's house isn't ready yet either.
Thinking about just what my home environment requirements are:
1)I need the kitchen clean to be able to cook.
2)I need hot water and a usable tub or shower in (one or both of) the bathrooms.
3)I need places (closets, cabinets, etc) to be able to store my stuff, in such a manner that I can get to it as needed.
4)I need the living room clean; so I feel there is some habitable social area.
(fyi: that still leaves the tv room, the den, and two other bedrooms-besides the one we share-which are also messy but could be worked on gradually.)
Things that would be positive about living together:
1) I *like* being with B. As far as our relationship goes, we are a committed-to-each-other couple.
2)I'm over there about half the time anyway.
3)Not paying rent (B. owns his house) would be good.
4)Living back in Huntsville would be good for somethings--a.getting to the gym more often. b. seeing Huntsville friends more easily.
Negatives:
1)Would be a drag to again have to commute to work from Huntsville to Decatur.
2)I do like my current apartment, and sometimes I enjoy haivng my independant space.
3)I'm worried B. will go back to hoarding behaviors and being problematically messy, and further that I'll slide into it myself. It's kind of the "pot calling the kettle black", as I'll admit to being a slob myself rather than a neat freak.
