Apr. 15th, 2014

e_phemerart: (passion)
SHERRY JANE WHITESIDE
COTTAGE HILLS, IL — Sherry Jane Whiteside, 79, passed away at 8:50 p.m. Saturday, April 12, 2014, at home with her family by her side.
She was born in 1935, in Decatur, Ill., the daughter of Harry and Pauline (McClure) Buzan.
She married William R. Whiteside on June 20, 1958, in Macon County, Illinois. He survives.
She was a field supervisor with the U.S. Census Bureau until her retirement. She was a member of Our Lady Queen of Peace Catholic Church in Bethalto, the Bethalto Women's Club and served on the Bethalto Public Library Board.
In addition to her husband of 55 years, she is survived by three daughters and two sons-in-law, Lisa and Andrew Strong of Rockford, Ill., Coleen Whiteside of Oakland, Calif., and Heather and Barry Ward of Huntsville, Ala.; a son and daughter-in-law, William R. Jr. and Charlene Whiteside of Roscoe, Ill.; five grandchildren, Hannah and Ken Lovett, Matthew Strong, Celia Strong, Will Whiteside and Katelin Whiteside; one great-grandson, Desmond Lovett; one brother and sister-in-law, John and Beverly Buzan of Decatur; two nieces and one nephew and their spouses, Kelly Buzan, Kim and Ron Milford and Tony and Robyn Buzan.
Cremation rites were accorded. There will be private graveside services at Valhalla Memorial Park in Godfrey at a later date.
Memorials may be made to the Bethalto Public Library.

(obit published in the Alton Telegraph and online at http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/thetelegraph/obituary.aspx?n=sherry-whiteside&pid=170645852

MOM

Apr. 15th, 2014 12:11 pm
e_phemerart: (passion)
I'm so glad I went home to visit in January; at least I know the last words I said to my mother were "I love you."

However I'm a little jealous that Bill and Lisa got to see her when she had those last few sparks of lucidness (while in the hospital, the steroids buoyed her up for a bit; Dad said it was a gift.) and she knew them.

Lisa and Bill were also there with Dad when she died. . Gods, but how hard would that have been? But, yes, I wish I could have been there too.  I've only spoken to my siblings a bit about it; they choke up. I gather it wasn't the most peaceful passing, her body fought for breath up until the end. I think, I hope her mind was already gone before the last, her memories and thoughts of pain or confusion completely stilled.

I'm glad that we had Desmond's 3rd birthday party on Saturday afternoon (instead of on his actual birthday the next day.) I'm glad that was such a wonderful family time. Barry and I had just gotten home when my sister Coleen called me to tell me Mom had passed away. I am very much comforted by having my daughter and her family nearby. Hannah and Ken are expecting their second child in late June; there is more of life to look forward to.

I had my issues with my mother; serious ones. I was the black sheep daughter who caused my parents a lot of disappointment. There was a 2 year period of time when she wouldn't speak to me (because of my life choices--which I now see as disastrously negative and toxic, but you couldn't have told me at the time). She was judgmental, controlling, perfectionistic, tenacious, and opinionated in her beliefs and attitudes.  I'm not quite sure she  totally forgave me (although thankfully eventually some rifts were mended), By the end , with the the Altzhiemers' memory loss,  she couldn't  even remember who I was, much less all the stupid things I've done.

However, one of the last things she did nag me about were my tattoos and brightly dyed hair. "Why on Earth do you do those things to yourself?" She thought it was stupid and silly, that it would interfere with my employment; she DIDNOT approve.  But I am still going to get a  MOM memorial tattoo. It's not to dishonor her or to be spiteful,. It's meant in remembrance and it's being true to my own life. My tattoos record the important events in my life; the death of mother is one such event. I'll even miss the disparaging comments she'd make about it.

Mom was a tough old bird with lots of grit. Sometimes that bird was a harpy. But I know she loved me. I do know that, and I know there are plenty of good things about her and I hold many good memories of her life.

She instilled a love of reading in me.
Strong sense of family.
Creativity was encouraged. (to a degree)
Education was valued.
She was my first Girl Scout (Brownie) leader.
She helped raise my daughter.
I always had a home, and she was always there.

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